She posted a photo of a pie today. It looks warm even in the photo- warm and worthy of a cooking magazine. And I wish I could have helped one of my dearest friends on a day I felt so lonely. I wish she could have taught me her pie baking secrets, and then we could have talked and sipped warm drinks while it baked.
But I'm not there; I'm here, almost one thousand miles away.
These feelings of wanting to be in a different place are not uncommon for me. Rewind to about six months ago. Instead of paying attention in class, I am writing. The class had sounded interesting when I signed up for it last semester, but now it's just another three credits I need to graduate. The professor drones about a book I haven't read and don't wanted to read, so like most of the other classes, I begin working on my novel to avoid the professor's monologue.
But instead, I find myself with an idea for a blog post. I write about how though I am tired of this class, tired of paying attention and bored out of my mind and ready to graduate already, I know someday I will miss it.
I know that someday I might be a mom with little children and I will long to be back in a classroom full of adults having educated conversations about literature. I might have a boring job where I won't use my brain and I will miss thinking and writing papers.
I just didn't know how soon I would miss that class and that life of college and studying.
Now, six months later, I have a job where I don't use my brain. Well, at least not in the way I want to use it. I wrap chocolate all day. It's not a bad job. I love almost all of my co-workers and unlike my last job it does not give me mild panic attacks. But I am not writing. I am certainly not using my college degree. And I get bored and miss that "boring" class where I tuned out the professor and doodled on my paper as I brainstormed ideas for my novel.
But as I'm wrapping chocolate one day, I realize that someday I may want to be back here sitting for eight hours a day wrapping chocolate. I may have kids and I may want to simply sit down in a quiet room and get paid to hear myself think. I may be writing a paper in grad school and tired of the mental stimulation and the deadlines, just like I was six months ago. I may have a writing job and be stuck writing a blog post I could care less about and remember that wrapping room where my hands would fly but my mind was free and I sang along to the radio all day.
I am not good at being present. I am always looking backward at what I miss and looking forward to what I hope will be. Right now I don't want to be still dependent on my parents, wrapping chocolate for forty hours a week and far away from my friend. But I need to present. It may not be what I envisioned for my post-college life, but it is what God has given me for right now. And if I am consistent, as soon as I start a new job or leave home, I will miss it. So I am trying to enjoy what God has put before me.
I am still mourning a pie not baked with one of my dearest friends and the thousand miles that separate us. But I have few good friends here, too. So I ask one of them if she wants to come over this Saturday. She responds with a text that reads, "I would love too! What time, and do you want to bake apple pie?"
I laugh, then find myself praising the only one who could arrange all this. God has provided another dear friend to bake a pie with.
And I think for the first time in a while, when my friend and I make apple pies, that I enjoyed being in the present- not looking backward, not looking forward- just rejoicing in what God has before me.
Though I am not where I want to be, I am where God wants me. It is good because He is good and His plan for me is good. I am thankful this week for his blessing in apple pie and that He never gives up on me.
What are you thankful for this week of Thanksgiving?