I was born here. I have grown up here.
This is Michigan.
It is also beautiful in a different way.
I thought after four years of college that it would clear where I should be, that if I liked Michigan, there were opportunities, and it had become my home, then I would stay. If I wanted to go back to Vermont, then I would go back the mountains.
But it's not that simple. I go back and forth.
Logical me, safe and conservative me, says to stay in Vermont. I can live with my parents, hike mountains, and save my money for a car and paying back my school loans. I'll be with my family, I'll have a wonderful church family, and I'll be home.
Adventurous, independent me says to go back to Michigan. I have lots of friends there; I could get a writing job with a Christian company and be on my own. I'd be with my sister while she's in school, I'll have an equally wonderful church family, and I'll be home.
I'm really choosing between two homes.
I thought that the perfect job opportunity would come up for me in Vermont, or that an amazing guy would ask to marry me in Michigan, and there would be no choice, no decision, no weighing the pros and cons or feeling like no matter what I choose I am cutting myself in two.
When I let myself really see what I want, it is Michigan that is in my heart. That doesn't change my love for Vermont, the mountains, my parents, my church, or my friends. I see Michigan as my future.
But I need to remind myself of a few things:
1. Moving back to Michigan would be scary, but I need to do scary things. I would be officially on my own, needing to make money for a place to live and food to eat and clothes to wear and gas to put in my car and things could happen like my car breaking down or I could lose my job or the heat could stop working in my apartment and I would need more money, and I can't forget taxes and loan payments, and oops I put a hole in my jeans and a pair of jeans is about two hours of working at the least!
Scary- yes, but scary just like going to college far away. Plus, I'll have to move out of my parent's home someday. And something I constantly forget and shouldn't ever forget is that I am a child of God, where even death is an improvement, so why should I fear my tire going flat?
2. I have expectations. I either think the best or the worst is going to happen. I think that if I move to Michigan it will be perfect, or the most horrible experience of my life. I think that if I stay in Vermont my life will be miserable or it will be all sunshine and lollipops. None of those expectations are good. No matter where I am, whether it is bad or good, my Savior is still risen and my God is still good.
3. I may never go back to Michigan. Five years from now I may be working at the same place and still chipping away at my novel. God may have other plans for me, and I need to trust Him and His perfect plan that is perfect simply because it is His.