Grace for the Writer

 Being a writer isn't easy. At least not for me and this is why:

 1. I am the kind of writer who only wants to write when I am inspired- when I have an image burning in my mind that I am dying to put on paper, or when a piece of dialogue comes into my head. This is hard because most of the time I don't feel that inspiration and therefore feel like I am forcing myself to write, leading to feeling stupid that I am a writer who hardly writes.

 2. Most people consider my writing to be more of a hobby. They think it's cool and sound impressed and say that they could never be a writer. But then when I share that I majored in creative writing and hope to make it my career, suddenly, even if they don't say anything, I feel judged at times, like what I want to so is unimportant, I'm being lazy, and that I wasted money on a major that will get me nowhere in the world. 

 3. I consider my writing to be one of the most important things in my life, but no one else in the world seems to acknowledge that. It doesn't seem productive. It doesn't make good money, so sometimes I struggle to think of my writing as worthwhile. 

 4. I have doubts. I doubt that I will ever finish my novel, that I will ever be able to make money from my writing. I worry that though I don't regret studying creative writing, I will now spend the next ten years paying for that decision by working at random jobs to pay for loans.

 But that's where my writing group has been such a blessing to me. I have been blessed with two friends that I made in college that are as serious about their writing as I am, and we have formed an informal writing group. Currently, we report to each other every so often on how we are doing with our writing and we offer each other advice and mostly encouragement. A few weeks ago I shared how I was struggling with my writing lately, especially with starting my part time job, and something one of my friends wrote to me has stuck with me. He said, "You must give yourself grace during this time of transitioning into your job."

 Grace for my writing? Strangely, I have never thought of that. But of course I need to give myself grace. As I am adjusting to my new job, it may take a while to figure things out, establish new patterns, and get back to normal. I need to give myself grace just like Jesus has given me grace for all of my sins.

 And then I realized that I need to give myself grace for all other aspects of my writing, too. There are many times I need to push myself and make myself write even when I don't want to. I need to ignore people who think my major in college was a bad decision. I need to trust God and faithfully do what I believe He has called me to do. But I need to also give myself grace for the times when I do struggle, when I do doubt, when I can't make time to write, when no words are pouring out of me because that happens to every writer. 

 So if you are a writer, give yourself grace just as our Father in Heaven gives us grace. 

In Everything Give Thanks 6-25-16

 Today, I am thankful for many things!

1. A plane ride. I love flying, and I don't know when I'll be able to fly again. 

2. The kind lady on the plane who bought me cough drops.

3. A few days off work.

4. Being able to celebrate the marriage of a dear friend from college, today. 

A Real Cashier

 I remember playing store with my sister when we were young. One of us had received a toy cash register one Christmas that came with toy food and a small conveyor belt. We each took turns being the cashier and the customer, though both of us always wanting to be the cashier, pretending to scan each item and making the "beep" sound as the bananas and cans go through.

 Now, I'm a real cashier at my local dollar store. The inner child in me still loves scanning merchandise. I enjoy the motions of sliding the cereal box across the metal, hearing the beep, and putting it in the bag, only to do it again. 

 But it's a little different now. There's a computer involved that I am still trying to figure out. I have to card people when they buy alcohol or tobacco. I have long lines of people with impatient faces and crying children. There are procedures and systems that don't make sense. I have to tell people to take a survey that I know they don't want to take. Discounts don't ring up, so I call up the manager and the line grows longer as she finds the sign that offers the sale then squabbles with the computer. The stakes are high; if I let a minor buy tobacco, I could lose my job. I have to watch out for shoplifters and follow safety procedures. My co-workers, though none of them mean, are not always easy to work with and make me feel like I am messing things up. Due to the lack of employees, I am being forced to learn by trial and error, which I love when I get a new electronic device, but not when other people's happiness, life, and my job are at stake. I like the swiping. I like hearing the beep. I love the older ladies that smile at me and tell me to take my time. But it's not anything like the fun I imagined when I was five.

 Other than making me emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted, I'm not sure where this leaves me. Though I never thought I would be my favorite pastime, I now know for sure that I don't like working retail. Yet I have to go back to work. I am looking for another job, but most of the ones I have found are still part time, which would add to my income but not let me leave my retail position.

 I guess this leaves me where I am now discovering everything eventually leads to- thanksgiving and prayer. 

Thanksgiving

 I have a job, and that is a huge blessing. Though I don't like it, it is better than many other jobs, like being a garbage man, a soldier, or working at a cemetery. Maybe as I get to know my co-workers more I can share the gospel with them and invite them to church which is right around the corner from where I work.

 Prayer

  God, I pray that You will give me the strength to get through this job for as long as You have me there. Please help me be at peace, to not be afraid of the fast paced work environment, to simply do my best and be a light for You. However, I also ask that You will provide for me a different job that is more suited to my personality, strengths, and the direction I would like my career to go.