Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Reclaiming July

 Two months have passed. Two months of summer where I was supposed to take a few classes at my community college and have a full time job to pay for those classes and start paying for my fall tuition. Instead, after about 10 job applications, I am just a part time student who is self employed full time as the world's most prominent worrier.

 Before I left school, I told my friend, "I wish I didn't have to work this summer so I could just write my novel."

 Summer is half over over. I have no job and am running out of places to send my resume. I am afraid there will be no money for last year at college. I am ashamed that I spend my days at home- busy, but home. I hate these feelings of restlessness.

 When I finally came to God with this burden confessing my fear of not making money and my shame at feeling like a failure, it was liked He laughed and said, "Well write." Can God be teaching me to trust Him with my lack of money? Can He be telling me to write as I trust and wait?

 This is the second hard thing that has happened where God's answer to me seems to be writing my novel. Last semester desires surfaced and I begged God for answers. All He said was, I am enough and write. Now, as I try to navigate the shame and fear my unemployment brings, He seems to be saying, Trust me and write. 

 It seems like God has given me a summer to write. Though unfortunately half of the summer I have spent only on homework for classes and worrying about finding a job.

 So with His help, I am hoping to reclaim July. In-between the geography quizzes and photo assignments, I need to be writing my novel.

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