Once upon a time there was a cardinal. He lived on a college
campus, and was known as Kamikaze Karl. For you see every spring morning without
fail he would greet the new day with a beautiful song and a crash against the
windows by the tree. He would rise with the sun and begin attacking a window,
though the darkness was still trapped inside the closed curtain and there were
sure to be sleeping girls inside. But Kamikaze Karl did not care about the
disturbance he was causing nor the growing feelings that girls had for him.
Some girls loved his sweet melodies and thought of him as
their friend. Others constantly fantasized his death, imagining all the
horrible ways they could murder him. A few of them took great pleasure in
shooting a nerf gun at him to try to scare him away. Pictures of owls were
taped to the window, music with loud guitar solos was blasted from stereos, and
girls waited by the window with text books in hand to thrust into the bird’s
face when his beak hit the glass. A Justin Bieber cutout was even borrowed to
try to scare Kamikaze Karl, but nothing would stop him.
Many wondered at Karl’s strange behavior. Those that had
named him remembered him from years past, and the question remained; why was
Karl still here banging against the windows every spring? They all had their
hunches. Maybe Karl was trying to get in because he was lonely and wanted
friends. Maybe his goal was for everyone to fail all of their classes by
interrupting their sleep. Or maybe when he finally got through a window he
would kill all of the girls- a red flash of death swooping in and killing the
entire dorm. Other more practical girls insisted that the bird was simply
mistaking his reflection in the window for another bird that must be attacked.
But what follows is the true story of Kamikaze Karl and why
he crashes into windows every spring:
Young Karl loved the idea of settling down on a college
campus. He enjoyed the excitement and activity during the day that reminded him
of his city home, and his young bride loved the peaceful weekends and the
friendly ducks by the pond that made her think of her childhood.
They built their nest in a little tree right next to a window
where Karl knew three sweet freshman girls lived. They loved their baby birds
even while they were still in their eggs. Karl became obsessed with protecting
his eggs. He would sit in the tree a few feet away from the nest and peer intensely
at the world surrounding him. When students walked by, he’d chirp a threatening
song. He’d chase away even the friendliest birds that got too close to the
tree. Karl was so paranoid he would attack his reflection in the window,
thinking it was an evil bird that had come for his eggs.
The other birds laughed at his obsession and quickly gave him
the name Kamikaze Karl, mocking him as his head pounded into the glass again
and again. But Karl ignored them, thinking only of the safety of his family.
After what seemed like an eternity of listening to the other
birds torment him, Karl’s baby birds hatched. He had kept them safe.
Now when birds and students call him Kamikaze Karl, he is
flattered. It is a reminder of how he didn’t let anyone hurt his eggs. Every
spring when it is time to build a nest his kamikaze side comes out, ready to
sacrifice his life for his eggs.
If the girls on campus knew Karl’s story maybe they would
understand him. Maybe the frightening owl pictures would disappear and the wild
rumors would stop. But they will never know his story, and Kamikaze Karl will
always be a secret hero.
