Hold It Gently

Hold it, but hold it gently, she whispers.

 And she presses it softly into my palm.

 Don't cover it with your hands.

 It might be taken away.


 Just look and admire. 

 Bask in its' beauty. 

 Then look away. 

 Things can't last forever. 

 And so much has been taken.



It is the time of year when bright red leaves crunch under my shoes. The flash of red before death.

 I dwell on what is lost, what is missing, and what never was.

 But what is here? A vibrant flash of color to last us through the long, white and gray winter. The softness and quiet of snow. And the promise that winter will not last forever.


So much is taken. But what if these taken things were never mine.

So much is lost. But God has something better to give later.

So much will never be. But someday in Heaven, we will have Jesus and everything that never was will be unimportant and forgotten in His presence. 


So hold it, but hold it gently, I whisper.

And I press it softly into your palm.

Don't cover it with your hands.

It might be taken away.

But our God is kind.

He takes away for our good.

He takes away so we will focus on Him alone.

Things on this earth can't last forever.

But He has given us, believer, an eternal hope through His Son.

When the Lord Your God Was King

"And when you saw that Nahash the king of the Ammonites 
came against you, you said to me, 'No, but a king shall 
reign over us,' when the Lord your God was king."

1 Samuel 12:12, ESV

 I've begun reading the books of Samuel, and I've been taken back to the first time hearing the story of King Saul. I remember wondering why the Israelite's desire for a king was so bad. It seemed reasonable to me, especially since the judges didn't seem to have any lasting good. Every other nation had a king, so why not Israel? 

 What I didn't see was that God was their king. What need did they have for a king when the Lord was on their side?

What I didn't realize was that their desire to be like the other nations was exactly what God didn't want. They were His chosen people, set apart by Him. Why then would they want to be like other nations and have a king when the very fact that they were different meant their safety and prosperity?

 What I didn't read was 1 Samuel 12:12. When Israel saw the king of the Ammonites coming toward them with his army and were afraid, they did not turn to God. Instead, they begged for a king to lead them into battle. Despite the fact that in all of their years of existence it was the Lord that lead them into battle and gave them their victory. 

...why...when the Lord your God was king?

So Samuel begins to sound like Judges and Exodus and Genesis. The Lord is good and faithful. Israel is stupid and unfaithful. But God chooses to continue to love them. 

 It sounds like other blog posts of mine. The Lord is good and faithful. I am stupid and unfaithful. But God chooses to continue to love me.

 The writer in me says, "A book that keeps recycling the plot over and over again within itself? Not good," not to mention my own blog posts that keep showcasing this theme. 

 But this is good. As I have said before and will say again, just as the people of Israel could not (or would not) remember all of the victories God won for them throughout the Bible, we too cannot remember the faithfulness of our God each day.

 If you tire of reading these words from me, please realize that I keep writing these words because I need to hear them. And I think you do, too. As the author of "Because He Loves Me" writes, the gospel is not just for the unsaved. 

 As my eyes lingered on 1 Samuel 12:12, I began to replace some words with my own idols.

"And when you saw that _______________, you said to me, 'No, __________________,' when the Lord your God was ________."

 When we fill in the verses with our own idols and demands, it makes our hopeless unfaithful hearts even more clear. 

 And when I saw that everyone was married except me, I said, "No, I deserve to be married, too," when Jesus Christ was my beloved. 

 I think the Bible has this repetition of Israel's unfaithfulness contrasted with God's constant faithfulness because it truly happened and to show us our depravity compared to His holiness. And then to point us to Jesus who paid for that depravity on the cross. 

 The Lord my God is king. So though I stumble and wish for an earthly king every day, when I am afraid, I will keep running to my king.

"And Samuel said to the people, 'Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself."

1 Samuel 12:20-22, ESV

How A Tiny Church in Maine Changed My View of Failure

Many years ago my dad planted trees all around our yard. There were two special balsam firs, one taller than the other. My sister and I quickly claimed them as "our trees", and we helped to plant them and decide where they would go. 

 We still watch our trees and see how they've grown. My sister's tree has grown tall, full, and straight. But my tree has struggled. For the longest time it wouldn't grow. The trunk curled to the right and though it straightened eventually, there's an awkward extension like the handle of a tea cup. And if you look closely, my tree is slanted.

 Recently, my tree feels like a visual reflection of my life. Like my tree, my life seems to be going nowhere. I live at home, I'm single, I have a job in a factory, my writing is struggling, my Bachelors degree has been useless, I've only gotten no's from overseas opportunities, and I am unsure about what I want to be doing in two or three years. I'm just like my crooked, skinny tree.   
 A few weeks ago I was able to take a break from all of those things and spend a weekend in Maine with friends. Sunday morning we worshiped with our sister church- a church that, like mine, has the same send off or "mother" church. 

 My friends told me the church was small. I heard jokes about how our group would double the congregation that morning. But I still wasn't prepared for just how small. At the most there may have been about fifty-five to sixty people, there, including our group of twenty-two. And maybe most surprising was the lack of children.

 It would be easy for us and the church to assume they are a failure, but we don't think that way. Instead, it is encouraging. This church was started about eight years ago and the pastor has been faithfully preaching the Word without fail no matter how many people show up on a Sunday. I know it has been difficult for them to press on at times, but the gospel must be preached whether it is for an audience of twenty or two hundred. God uses the churches of small towns and low numbers as much as he uses the gospel preaching mega churches. This little church looks past the numbers and past the traditional meaning of success to see what God sees: a small church faithfully preaching the gospel and reaching their community with the love of Christ. Isn't that what every church does? Isn't that what every individual believer does?

 I would never call this little church a failure. They are not as big as my church. They have struggled more than most of our fellow church plants and are even smaller than the newest one that is only a year or two old. Of course we want our churches to thrive and grow and plant other churches and fund missionaries and have the capabilities to help in our communities. But at the end of the day all that matters is if the church preached the gospel. 

 My life looks like a failure. From a certain standpoint it is. There is a reason I was not offered jobs and internships. Though there is no shame in working at a factory, I have failed to get a writing job and have failed to finish a book.

 I fail every day in my sin. But I am not a failure. My debt has been paid by Jesus' blood. And isn't that the main point of the gospel? I, we, are failures. We are dead in our sin. But Jesus died for that sin. 

 So if today, God wants me to follow Him by working at a factory, being single, applying for opportunities I may or may not get, and figuring out what my future holds, who am I to argue? It may not be what I had hoped. It may not be glamorous. But it is what God has given to me. 

 My tree may be crooked and strange and not the best tree in our yard. But it is standing and green and growing. And it is mine.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my 

power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast 

all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of 

Christ may not rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I 

am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, 

and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV

"But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every 

way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. 

And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice..."

Philippians 1:18, NIV

"The Lord measures the faithfulness 
of our labor, not our success."
~ John Piper