Painting and Children and Joy // Colombia 2019

 Friends, I had the privilege of going to Medellin, Colombia again with my church!

 While our pastor was teaching the students, the rest of us stayed at the seminary (who also graciously hosted us) and did a lot of repair work, painting, and renovations. This time I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to take a more active role in the work we were doing. Two years ago I wasn't sure what to do and everything I did do required someone taking time away from their own task to teach me. But this trip I was able to help more with sanding and painting- jobs that still required instruction but that I could then do confidently on my own. So it was fun to feel like I was actually helpful.

 Above is a picture of the courtyard where I mostly worked. This is the finished project after we scraped off the finish, repaired parts of the wall with stucco, then painted. 

 But the highlight of my week was Wednesday. We went to a town about an hour and a half out of Medellin called El Carmen de Viboral. 

 After a few hours of walking around the cute town we met with a little church. It was such a pleasure and an encouragement to get to know them and hear how they came to faith. Before our mini church service, we all sat in a big circle with an interpreter and shared some of our stories. I happened to sit next to a woman a few years older than me. Our conversation never got beyond our names, ages, and work, but I discovered she was also single. 

 It is such a small thing really. But to have the one woman I connected with in Colombia this trip be a Christian single woman like me- it warmed my soul.

 And there was the children. Beautiful children with curly hair, wide smiles, and those large, dark eyes. What I love about children is that it doesn't matter what language they speak. I know what it means when she takes my hand and leads me around the small place they meet for church. I know how to play superheros with a little boy even though we speak different languages. 

 Just a few hours before this picture someone asked me what I was really hoping to do in Colombia. I told them I just wanted to go to a school or an orphanage or daycare and play and love on the kids. How kind and faithful God is!

 And underneath all of this, as we studied Philippians as a team, as we learned how much the Philippians were being persecuted, how the book itself is maybe the happiest book of the Bible despite their circumstances, I looked at my own life. Away from my home and country and workplace and everything familiar, I took an honest look at my life. How my circumstances control how I feel every day.

 My pastor said this to us one night:

"If we embrace Paul's outlook in Philippians, 

we'll have his joy. And Paul cares more 

about the gospel than his situation."

  I have always struggled with joy in all circumstances. I have been praying for joy since college. A joy that transcends my circumstances and flows from my hope in Christ. And this joy comes from loving Christ and His gospel more than anything else. A joy I saw in the tiny church we visited where the believers there already have strong evangelistic goals. 

 So this has become my prayer. That as life happens, good and bad, I will be ever more focused on Jesus, on what He did for me on the cross, and sharing that message with others.

New Favorite Things // January 2019

I once read about a "Favorite Things" party in a magazine. Every year around the holidays some women got together to celebrate. It was always before or after the Thanksgiving and Christmas rush since they were so busy and had family obligations. But they set aside a specific time each year to celebrate the season with each other and share a new favorite thing.

 It could be a book they had discovered and loved. It could be a recipe. It could be a new lotion or product that revolutionized their life. Whatever it was, they would be one for each of their friends, sharing the story of why it became a new favorite thing. 

 So until I have my own place and can have a "Favorite Things" party of my own, here are some of my new favorite things.


 New books!

 Just some of the new books I am looking forward to reading in the next few months.

* "This Elegant Ruin" by Erin Bartels

* "The Gospel Comes with a House Key" by Rosaria Butterfield

* "When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor...and Yourself" by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert

* "The Biggest Story: How the Snake Crusher Brings Us Back to The Garden" by Kevin DeYoung

* "My Brigadista Year" by Katherine Patterson (not pictured)


 Soy sauce and vinegar

  For New Year's Day I made dumplings- well, I tried. The dipping sauce included 1/4 cup of soy sauce, 1/4 cup of rice vinegar, 1 teaspoon of sesame oil, and pepper flakes. 
 I've always loved soy sauce and vinegar separately, but putting them together has opened up an entire new world that I hope to visit many more times!

 Sushi
  I love Japan. I love the way sushi looks. And I've always wanted to be a "cool" person that ate sushi. But raw fish!  However, the other day I tried some. Not only did I not die, but it tasted good. Good as in I could have had another one. What????


Newly Discovered Music!
 * "Birdsong" by Kina Grannis
 * "With You" by GAWVI, and his entire album called PANORAMA
 * "Native Tongue" by Switchfoot
 * "Isaac" by Hollyn


Studio Ghibli

   It started with the movie "Kiki's Delivery Service". Then I watched "Howl's Moving Castle", and now I want to watch all of their movies. They are unique and funny and interesting and usually have a Japanese feel to them.

When the Lord Your God Was King

"And when you saw that Nahash the king of the Ammonites 
came against you, you said to me, 'No, but a king shall 
reign over us,' when the Lord your God was king."

1 Samuel 12:12, ESV

 I've begun reading the books of Samuel, and I've been taken back to the first time hearing the story of King Saul. I remember wondering why the Israelite's desire for a king was so bad. It seemed reasonable to me, especially since the judges didn't seem to have any lasting good. Every other nation had a king, so why not Israel? 

 What I didn't see was that God was their king. What need did they have for a king when the Lord was on their side?

What I didn't realize was that their desire to be like the other nations was exactly what God didn't want. They were His chosen people, set apart by Him. Why then would they want to be like other nations and have a king when the very fact that they were different meant their safety and prosperity?

 What I didn't read was 1 Samuel 12:12. When Israel saw the king of the Ammonites coming toward them with his army and were afraid, they did not turn to God. Instead, they begged for a king to lead them into battle. Despite the fact that in all of their years of existence it was the Lord that lead them into battle and gave them their victory. 

...why...when the Lord your God was king?

So Samuel begins to sound like Judges and Exodus and Genesis. The Lord is good and faithful. Israel is stupid and unfaithful. But God chooses to continue to love them. 

 It sounds like other blog posts of mine. The Lord is good and faithful. I am stupid and unfaithful. But God chooses to continue to love me.

 The writer in me says, "A book that keeps recycling the plot over and over again within itself? Not good," not to mention my own blog posts that keep showcasing this theme. 

 But this is good. As I have said before and will say again, just as the people of Israel could not (or would not) remember all of the victories God won for them throughout the Bible, we too cannot remember the faithfulness of our God each day.

 If you tire of reading these words from me, please realize that I keep writing these words because I need to hear them. And I think you do, too. As the author of "Because He Loves Me" writes, the gospel is not just for the unsaved. 

 As my eyes lingered on 1 Samuel 12:12, I began to replace some words with my own idols.

"And when you saw that _______________, you said to me, 'No, __________________,' when the Lord your God was ________."

 When we fill in the verses with our own idols and demands, it makes our hopeless unfaithful hearts even more clear. 

 And when I saw that everyone was married except me, I said, "No, I deserve to be married, too," when Jesus Christ was my beloved. 

 I think the Bible has this repetition of Israel's unfaithfulness contrasted with God's constant faithfulness because it truly happened and to show us our depravity compared to His holiness. And then to point us to Jesus who paid for that depravity on the cross. 

 The Lord my God is king. So though I stumble and wish for an earthly king every day, when I am afraid, I will keep running to my king.

"And Samuel said to the people, 'Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself."

1 Samuel 12:20-22, ESV

How A Tiny Church in Maine Changed My View of Failure

Many years ago my dad planted trees all around our yard. There were two special balsam firs, one taller than the other. My sister and I quickly claimed them as "our trees", and we helped to plant them and decide where they would go. 

 We still watch our trees and see how they've grown. My sister's tree has grown tall, full, and straight. But my tree has struggled. For the longest time it wouldn't grow. The trunk curled to the right and though it straightened eventually, there's an awkward extension like the handle of a tea cup. And if you look closely, my tree is slanted.

 Recently, my tree feels like a visual reflection of my life. Like my tree, my life seems to be going nowhere. I live at home, I'm single, I have a job in a factory, my writing is struggling, my Bachelors degree has been useless, I've only gotten no's from overseas opportunities, and I am unsure about what I want to be doing in two or three years. I'm just like my crooked, skinny tree.   
 A few weeks ago I was able to take a break from all of those things and spend a weekend in Maine with friends. Sunday morning we worshiped with our sister church- a church that, like mine, has the same send off or "mother" church. 

 My friends told me the church was small. I heard jokes about how our group would double the congregation that morning. But I still wasn't prepared for just how small. At the most there may have been about fifty-five to sixty people, there, including our group of twenty-two. And maybe most surprising was the lack of children.

 It would be easy for us and the church to assume they are a failure, but we don't think that way. Instead, it is encouraging. This church was started about eight years ago and the pastor has been faithfully preaching the Word without fail no matter how many people show up on a Sunday. I know it has been difficult for them to press on at times, but the gospel must be preached whether it is for an audience of twenty or two hundred. God uses the churches of small towns and low numbers as much as he uses the gospel preaching mega churches. This little church looks past the numbers and past the traditional meaning of success to see what God sees: a small church faithfully preaching the gospel and reaching their community with the love of Christ. Isn't that what every church does? Isn't that what every individual believer does?

 I would never call this little church a failure. They are not as big as my church. They have struggled more than most of our fellow church plants and are even smaller than the newest one that is only a year or two old. Of course we want our churches to thrive and grow and plant other churches and fund missionaries and have the capabilities to help in our communities. But at the end of the day all that matters is if the church preached the gospel. 

 My life looks like a failure. From a certain standpoint it is. There is a reason I was not offered jobs and internships. Though there is no shame in working at a factory, I have failed to get a writing job and have failed to finish a book.

 I fail every day in my sin. But I am not a failure. My debt has been paid by Jesus' blood. And isn't that the main point of the gospel? I, we, are failures. We are dead in our sin. But Jesus died for that sin. 

 So if today, God wants me to follow Him by working at a factory, being single, applying for opportunities I may or may not get, and figuring out what my future holds, who am I to argue? It may not be what I had hoped. It may not be glamorous. But it is what God has given to me. 

 My tree may be crooked and strange and not the best tree in our yard. But it is standing and green and growing. And it is mine.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my 

power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast 

all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of 

Christ may not rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I 

am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, 

and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV

"But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every 

way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. 

And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice..."

Philippians 1:18, NIV

"The Lord measures the faithfulness 
of our labor, not our success."
~ John Piper

Robert Frost's House and the Bennington Battle Monument

 I get hungry for little adventures. I have been a long time Robert Frost fan, and have been wanting to see his house and museum since I discovered it existed a year ago. So my friend and I took the day to explore Shaftsbury and Bennington Vermont. 

 The weather was freezing and rainy, but I was so excited to see my favorite poet's dwelling and spend the day with my friend. Frost's farm is in the beautiful Southern Vermont countryside. Though all of Vermont is beautiful, I can see he didn't have to go far to find inspiration for many of his poems. 

 I seriously contemplated moving there. It was that pretty. And I may have contemplated using "Frost" as a middle name for my future son. We'll see about that one.

We weren't allowed to take any photos inside his house where they had set up a small museum-like display. The inside of the house was disappointing. There were only two rooms and a hallway that we could see. They didn't have much in them except interesting information about Robert Frost all along the walls. Though I learned a lot about him and was nerding out as they analyzed his poetry, I probably could have found almost all of that information online or in a library. 

 But just being there and seeing Robert Frost's house was worth it for me. He writes with such simplistic power that I wish I had in my words, a simplicity that does is not "dumbed down" but everyone can understand without spending half an hour with one poem. But you could spend half an hour analyzing and find such meaning and talent and beauty. He has such a technical command of his poems, the meter, style, and rhyme. He knows when to follow the rules and when to break them, and he breaks them well. 

 There was a path you could walk on through the woods on Frost's farm, a path that Robert Frost himself walked along, but we didn't venture very far. Not only was it cold, but they had several warnings of the many ticks carrying Lyme disease found here, so we decided not to risk it, despite how much we wanted to see everything. 

  Since we were right next to Bennington, I had to see the Bennington Battle Monument. My friend was sweet to let me drag her to all of these places as I satisfied my need for an adventure. The photos are of poor quality mostly due to rain and an overcast sky.

 The monument was built to remember a battle fought during the Revolutionary War in 1777. A man whose job was to tell us all about the monument and take people up and down the elevator all day said it is the tallest structure in Vermont and the 6th tallest in the U.S. We hated to disappoint him when we told him we were just from New England as the highlight of what can be a monotonous day for him is meeting people from all over the U.S, and often the world. 

 Though we couldn't get the full panoramic view, in each direction we had beautiful views of Vermont, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and New York. 

 At the end of the day on our way back to my car, God surprised us with one more special thing. My friend took a wrong turn, and it took us to a covered bridge. 

 I am thankful for the reminder that unexpected turns can become better than what I had planned. Not unexpected for God, but me. I don't know what will happen, but God does, and it will be better than my plan simply because it is the Lord's will. 

In Everything Give Thanks 6-11-16

 1. This week, I am especially thankful that I was offered two part time jobs. Neither one is my dream job and I am not sure that logistically I can do both, but either way I am now employed, and that is a huge answer to prayer. 

2. I am also excited that my sister and I will have a long weekend by ourselves while our parents are away. We are going to have so much fun! We made spanakopita for dinner last night and it tasted so good.

3. Finally, I am thankful for my journaling Bible that I finally made my first notes in from last week's sermon. 

In Everything Give Thanks

 

I'm trying something new, and every Friday or Saturday, I'm going to share some things that I am thankful for. Though feeling discontent is nothing new for me, it has become a bad habit as well as a bigger pattern in my life recently, and I want to fight it with recognizing things God has given me today.

 So today, these are things I am thankful for.

 1. The first hike of the summer. Last weekend, my dad and I did an easy hike to ease our way into more challenging hikes later this summer. Except for a bug getting caught in my eye and all the other little gnats that were freakishly attracted to me, it was so much fun. Plus, I am excited to be finally wearing my Christmas present, these new hiking boots. 

2. The smash book my mom made for me. It's a personalized journal that is filled with fun pockets, envelopes, and tags. My sister loves them because instead of writing her memories, she can put in airplane tickets, notes from friends, lists, movie tickets, and other things that she collects. I am planning on making mine a special memory book from my freshman year of college. 

  3. Thank you letters. I sent out quite a few thank you letters this week, and of course you can't write thank you letters without having something to be thankful for. 

Easter Celebration

 This Sunday, after an amazing service with my church family celebrating our risen Savior, my sister, her friend, and I had our own Easter dinner together in my apartment.

 The color scheme happened to be purple. I used my bamboo plant and the African Violet my sister gave me for a center piece, and my sister brought purple mason jars for pretty glasses and Dove dark chocolate that happened to match.

 The menu consisted of our traditional family Easter dinner:

 Ham

 Scalloped Potatoes

 Freshly Steamed Broccoli

 Crescent Rolls with Raspberry Jam

 Raspberry Jello (A tradition in Gracie's friend's family)

 Though we would have preferred to have been at home with our parents, it was also good to make our own meal and begin our own traditions.

   Saturday night I was reading the account of Jesus' death and ressurection in John, and was happily surprised when John 20 was also the passage used for Easter morning's sermon. In my personal reading, I stopped after I read these verses:

 "Jesus said to her, 'Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?' Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, 'Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.' Jesus said to her, 'Mary'. She turned and said to him in Aramaic, 'Rabboni!' (which means teacher). Jesus said to her, 'Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father, but go to my brothers and say to them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" (John 20:15-17, ESV)

 I wondered why Jesus told Mary not to cling to Him. If I was in her situation, that is what I would do, too. My Lord and Savior is not dead but standing alive in front of me! How could I not cling to Him? But Jesus says not to cling to Him. What a hard command. And I thought of my own life, how there are things in my life that God has said no to. That also seems harsh and hard.

 But Sunday morning my pastor shared that Jesus told Mary not to cling to Him because His time on earth was limited. He would soon be ascending to heaven, as He continues to say after he tells her not to cling to Him. He was preparing Mary for that seperation, as well as all of His followers. 

 For some reason I often doubt that the God who died on the cruel cross for me has my best interest. It is days like Sunday where I am reminded how wrong I am. Sometimes they are hard commands. Often, I want to do the very opposite of what I am supposed to do or want the exact opposite situation than the one I am currently in. But God has an ultimate purpose.

Happy Easter! What are some of your special Easter traditions or things God has taught you this holiday?

Christmas 2015

  What a wonderful Christmas it was this year celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus! The past few Christmases I have intentionally avoided taking pictures to be more in the moment during the holiday, but this year I wanted pictures to remember it in future years.

  For dessert my mom made chocolate cupcakes, I made chocolate chip mint cookies, and my sister made no bake cookies only using sunbutter to replace peanut butter because of her allergy.

  It is tradition for my sister and I to get a new ornament every year, always signifying something important about the year. Above is my 2015 ornament. On the back my mom wrote "51 pages" because that is how many pages of my novel I wrote this semester for my independent study. I was so excited to not only meet my goal of 50 pages, but exceed it! My mom asked me how I was going to reward myself, and I didn't know how, especially in the middle of finals. But I think this ornament is perfect. 

  When I think back on this Christmas, it is in flashes. It is the chocolate chips I intentionally loaded into the cookie dough falling out as I try to scoop them onto the cookie sheet. It is Nana telling me about all of the writers on both sides of my family. It is listening to my dad read the story of Jesus' birth in Luke. It is being crowded in our small kitchen with my mom. It is hearing my sister squeal after opening the present I gave her. It is the uncertainty I feel about my future, but the hope I have all because a baby boy who was fully God and fully man came to earth to humble Himself and die.

Ludington Adventure!

This past weekend my friends who graduated were able to visit me at school for the weekend and we went to Ludington State Park. Here are some photos I took of our adventure.

We began by hiking some trails. These little guys were everywhere.

Plants growing on the foundation of an old building that was never completed.

Then we went to the beach. Do not be fooled; it is beautiful, but it was freezing that day.

Getting artsy.

My favorite part was walking along the beach of Lake Michigan. It was a glorious view, and I wish I could live there. All that was missing was a view of mountains.

My friend walking on the beach. Her poor shoes got so wet later.

Though Michigan doesn't have mountains, they have sand dunes. This was my first time exploring them, and it was so fun to climb some of them.

I love these girls. They lived next door to me freshman year, and I have been so thankful for their friendship throughout college.

Big Sable Point Lighthouse on Lake Michigan, and my new favorite place in Michigan.

Look at what God has created for us!

I am ready to go back.

What It Looks Like When I'm Leaving

This is what it looks like when I'm leaving.

 Luggage on the floor.

 Empty drawers.

 Piles of blankets on my bed.

 Chaos. Confusion.

 And inside I feel the same way. Excited to go back, sad to leave. Optimistic for all that may happen, fearful of all that won't.

 It's time to turn my bookshelves over to straighten them again.

 It's time to gather my special books that go everywhere with me.

 It's time to pack all of my things and lug it back to Michigan one last time. Or will my things stay there? Is this the last time I have to pack up my life like this? Will I live in Michigan after I graduate?

 I don't know. And it's hard not knowing.

 But it's mostly hard because I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to happen. I don't know where I want be.

 Actually, I know what I want. I want both.

 I want both Michigan and Vermont. I want the mountains and the vast, open sky. I want family and my childhood friends, but also my new family and friends.

 But they can only coexist for one more year. One last year of college.

 So I pack.

 I wonder at the year ahead of me, the life I will have after graduation.

 As I squeeze clothes into every little space in my luggage, I pray for blessings, contentment, strength, and the wisdom to trust God no matter what does or doesn't happen this year, or wherever He takes me after graduation.

un-love-ly

Redefining beauty through a photo assignment

Dead Roses: Roses are the epitome of beauty, yet they are quickly dead. I wanted to capture roses not in their glory, but in their fall when they are tossed into the garbage and forgotten forever. In taking this photo I realized that beauty can also be looking back on the loveliness of life.

Ruined Mascara: When I asked her to leave her make-up on while she took a shower, she only grudgingly obliged. While I took the picture she was uncomfortable, impatient, asking when I would be done. She didn’t like the pictures I showed her. Can she not see how lovely she is even with mascara dripping down her face?

Kitchen Sink: “Sorry the house is such a wreck,” I hear people say. “I’m sorry for the mess,” I tell my friends. While we should keep our houses neat and clean, why are we so quick to apologize for the clutter? Why are we so quick to judge the messes of ourselves and others? Life is messy. It is un-perfect like a dirty kitchen window.

Dandelion: No one likes them. They are weeds. They spread quickly. So I wanted to take a picture that portrays my love for them— the beauty of this weed, this forgotten flower that children wish upon.

Sun and Rain: In the movies, when someone dies it begins to rain, and at the funeral they are all in black with black umbrellas. But rain can be good, too. It waters the earth. It makes us grateful when the sun reappears. It allows me to take pictures of the rain drops glinting on the trees.