My Obedience = My Joy

"No."

 A simple word, written, not said. But if it had been said, it would not have come out of my mouth loud and commanding. It would have been soft, with a deep sadness dripping from it.

 Because that was all I could manage.

 Because though I knew saying no was good and right, it was not what I wanted to say. It was the complete opposite of what I wanted to write that day. 

~

Since high school, I feel as if I have been engaged in a battle for joy. Joy in all circumstances. Joy in Christ alone. Joy in saying "Thy will be done." 

 Later high school years, college, after college- life hasn't slowed down or gone as planned. Life gets hard and I pray for joy and contentment, only for it to seemingly allude me. And in the darkness, I am also confused. Surely God, who delights in giving His children good gifts, would grant me joy when it was He who commanded me to be joyful.

 Life continues, and I realize now that joy is a choice. I am waiting to be zapped by His gift of joy, where instantly I will be fully joyful and fully content in Him and whatever situation He has me in, but where would the lesson and growth be in that? Even Paul had to learn contentment. So joy is a choice. I choose joy as my heart's response. I choose to smile, to be thankful, to trust that God is working for my good even in the hard times, that my hope is not in this world but in an eternity in Heaven with Jesus. I am learning.

 But still there is more. 

~

 After I said no, there was such joy. When that no triggered the action I had feared, I felt this intense peace and joy and contentment that I had never experienced before. It wasn't immediately after in the deep heartache. But it wasn't far behind.

 I assumed it was because I had a few people praying for me. I could feel their prayers. But I think it was more.

 Every fiber of my being wanted to say yes. But I said no out of obedience to God. 

 It hurt more than anything had before. But then, unexpectedly, there was joy. Unexplainable joy in sorrow.  

 So joy also requires obedience. 

~

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name..."

Philippians 2:5-9, ESV

 Jesus himself was exalted and received joy by being obedient to the Father. He said yes to what He did not want to do- die a cruel death, humble Himself, debase Himself, feel the wrath of His Father in our place, feel such physical pain- an experience that I will never have in its entirety. 

 Jesus did this for me. He did this for you. But He also did this because it was His father's will, and doing His father's will gave Him joy. 

 And doing my father's will will also give me joy. So this is another piece of my joy. For didn't I pray for joy? I didn't pray for joy in this way. But neither did Jesus.

 When we walk with the Lord in the light of His word

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

"Trust and Obey"

Counting My Blessings // 10 Things I am Thankful For

 ~I am thankful for the passing of time, that I am no longer in the same place I was two or even one year ago. Two years ago I was still new to working full time, and it exhausted me. One year ago I was recovering from a certain situation. Now as I look back I see so much growth, healing, and a forty hour work week that is no longer too much.

~I am thankful that I am eternally secure. I cannot lose my salvation. No matter what I do, Jesus will hold onto me as His child. Even when I feel distant from Him, even when I sin, even when I continue to struggle with the same sins over and over again, He will hold me fast. What a blessing!

~I am thankful for family.  I never wanted to move back home after graduating from college. But I am thankful for my parents and how they love me. In college I so wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my family, but I was too far away. Now I try to treasure every holiday with them, for I do not know what the future holds.

~I am thankful for reconnecting with old friends. 

~I am thankful for new friends.

~I am thankful for friends who have always been my friends, or so it seems. My sister, my old college roommate who I text prayer requests to and who might as well be my sister, my dear friend who meets me at Barnes and Noble, my smart and sweet and dear friend at Dartmouth. 

~I am thankful to have a job and work with people I love dearly.  I also never wanted to work in a factory. It feels like the complete opposite direction that I wanted and what I thought God wanted for me. But this is where He has me, and I am thankful to be working and to have a steady paycheck. And I am thankful for the people there. My good friend from church, my second mother, my sweet Filipino friends my age who I love, the lady who walked to the break room with me when I almost fainted, the woman in shipping who loves to say my name that I share with her daughter, and my boss who has always been generous.

~I am thankful for almost paying off my student loans!

~I am thankful for good books. Life changes and life is hard, but there is always a new and fabulous book to read. I am currently loving "The Soul Winner" by Spurgeon and "The Fruit of the Drunken Tree" by Ingrid Rojas Contreras. 

~I am thankful for the forgiveness of Jesus. It is disheartening for years to go by and I continue to struggle with some of the same sins. But Jesus paid for those sins on the cross with His life. So though I struggle, though I work to get better, though I fight, my battle has already been won by Jesus.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? I would love to know and praise God together!